


Memoria Violenta - I. (WIP)

by suicidalzombie



Series: Memoria Violenta [1]
Category: True Blood
Genre: Amnesia, F/M, Heartache, Memory Loss, S04E06 I Wish I Was the Moon, Unrequited Love, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-29 05:52:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/683587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suicidalzombie/pseuds/suicidalzombie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Note, this is a WIP] After having been released from his sentence of the True Death, Eric wants to leave Louisiana so he does not have to return to his former self, with his old memories. Sookie, torn between leaving with Eric or staying to fight by Bill's side, suggests that Eric be sent to one of his estates in Sweden to keep him safe, promising she will join him later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memoria Violenta - I. (WIP)

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNINGS;** Everything the show has: sexual content, violence, language, mentions of character death. Also, **_TRIGGER WARNING_** for suicidal thoughts, depressive content and generally OMG THIS IS A BAD FIC-ness. You've been warned ;]
> 
>  **NOTES;** This was written partially as an RP intro post (part two, set in _Östersund_ ,) and the opening was a short one-shot I wrote up as means of catharsis. At the urging my girlfriend, I decided to do a heavy edit and post it as a stand-alone fan fic. Takes place circa season four, namely between Eric having nightmares and King “Beel” releasing him from the True Death.
> 
>  **NOTES II;** I know nothing of Sweden other than I learned through my own brief research into the geography of _Östersund_ , so any oddities are my own. All quotes are from S04E06 “I Wish I Was the Moon”. As usual: I own none, you sue none.
> 
> Also, AO3 formatting is straaaange and converting from iOS Pages to MSWord to here = gaps. Sorry. And, [Nakay](http://d13t-c0k3.tumblr.com/), this one's for you ♥

 

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_**Memoria Violenta.** Eric/Sookie. R. [Suicidal-Zombie@A03](../users/suicidalzombie). 2474 Words._

 

 

****

**_Bon Temps, Louisiana_ **

  

_“_ _According to my progeny, I am a barbarian thug_

_Who has never respected your authority?”_ -Eric to Bill

 

 

            Nightmares were an excuse he could only use a handful of times and soon Eric took to sitting beneath the ladder rungs leading into his cubby, holding onto the metal with one hand to feel the vibrations in the floor above as Sookie walked, going about her day. His chest ached when she left to do whatever it was she did during the day and by sunset he could barely contain himself, waiting for her to climb down and tell him it was okay to come upstairs.

 

            Eric was content simply following Sookie around the house, to the point where she would turn around with that soft smile, part amused and part in awe of him and tells him to sit down or do something. And he would. Anything that Sookie told him to do; he did even if it meant hiding in his cubby all day where he barely slept.

 

            In her arms, her light kept the darkness away; kept his head clear and he could sleep, waking rested and content. More content than he felt locked away in his room. It couldn't last forever and one night the darkness became too much, too overpowering and he bit her on the thigh, drinking her sweet blood and just as soon as he tasted her blood he recoiled in horror - but it was too late. She had woken, gasping his name and he covered his mouth and pulled away from her so quickly he upset the bed sheets.

_Just like everyone else has told you: you are the monster who will take out her light..._

 

            Sookie didn't seem angry; not once she saw his reaction and was carefully moving towards him, whispering his name but he matched each step she took with three of his own back, until he stumbled halfway down the stairs before catching himself. “I'm sorry,” he whispered, and was in the safety of his cubby in seconds, gripping the doors tightly closed even as he heard her give chase. She tugged at the doors once, cursing softly and he felt the blood-tears well up.

 

            “I'm so sorry…” Eric whispered, before retreating down and stilling on his bed so that the motion-sensor lights dimmed and he was left in darkness where he belonged.

 

 

*                      *                      *

 

 

**_Östersund, Sweden_ **

 

_“_ _Tell her I was born the night she found me, and because of her,_

_I went to my true death knowing what it means to love. Tell her,_

_Thank you._ _”_ -Eric to King Bill, accepting his sentence

 

 

            _Ö_ _stersund_ –also known as Winter City- was by far, one of his most favourite places in Sweden, though Gothenburg was a close second. Eric’s house in Östersund had windows made of tempered glass, so that he could safely walk around during the day should sleep not come. The estate was set back far from the roadway, and in the winter, when snow blanketed the entirety of Sweden, it was peaceful with sounds muffled before they even reached his home. It gave off the illusion that he was alone here, which is why he asked to be brought here; according to Pam, this home of his was likely the best place for him, rather than trying to hide away at Sookie's, which had just proved to be troublesome time and time again.

 

            For the first few hours in the vacation home, Eric walked through each room just looking at all the tiny details that seemed to be a part of Eric's former personality. Some things Eric liked, and others he wondered why they were even there. Little bits of art that he found tacky or ugly, but the former Eric would have loved.

 

            It was funny how there were certain bits of his memory he retained - the fact that he was a vampire, the fact that TruBlood existed and while it could satiate hunger to an extent, it did not do a thing to make a vampire heal. He knew he should sleep during the day but sometimes he could not and he would lay very still, listening to the things going on around him that he was missing out on. When he had been at Sookie's, sometimes she would check on him during the day and come lay with him but others he was content to just listen to her go about her day. It made him feel safe, knowing she was around, knowing there was someone who seemed to know him that was willing to give this Eric Northman a chance, rather than sit there and become angry he could not remember 'who he truly is'.

 

            Pam wanted her maker back, Eric understood, but what he did not think she understood is that he did not want to be that man -vampire- again. The unspeakable things he had done, the people he had hurt and let die . . .  he was still surprised that Bill Compton had released him from the True Death, and he was also thankful. This was his chance at making amends for the things he had done in the past and perhaps his time spent here could be useful - he could work at re-establishing himself and maybe, just maybe, he would be less of a liability.

 

            Therein lay two problems: one, if he stayed this way and did not regain his memories, it meant he was still under the duress of the witch who cursed him and thus, there was a possibility he could be used as a weapon against other vampires and thus, a danger to himself and others; two, if, somehow he was able to stay as he was - without the memories of the Eric Northman he was prior to being cursed, there would always be that part of him living each day wondering if perhaps the curse would fade or be reversed and then he would lose what he held dearest: Sookie, and that feeling of love that he would not have known had he not been given his short time with her.

 

            He barely remembered his maker, and knew that the love he shared with Godric was far different than the love he shared with Sookie, and a part of him wondered if he was using Sookie to fill a void left behind since Godric's suicidal act. He never voiced this aloud although he had been entirely honest with Sookie up until that thought. It was one he took with him to Sweden, one that swam around his head as he spent most of the flight in his travel coffin and one he sat with now.

 

            Eric looked down at his hands, and in them he had been holding a plaque with pins and badges mounted on it. Vaguely he recognized them as being militia in style but they were old. He touched one and caught a flash of a memory - of himself and Godric, disguised as Nazi _Schutzstaffel_ officers in attempt... to something, that part was blank. He looked up, and the sitting room he was in looked a bit like it had been created simply to show off years and years worth of memories, but now Eric realized it was a shrine to his time with Godric. He wondered if anyone else had ever been here. Had Pam been here, Godric himself? Would he ever remember what each of these mementos meant and would he be able to share these memories with Sookie, once the battle of Louisiana was won and King Bill Compton did not need their numbers.

 

 

*                      *                      *

 

 

            The telephone rang late in the day, and Eric roused, climbing from his cubby and skirting around the bits of sunlight filtering in from the partially closed curtains to answer the telephone. The number came up unknown but the area code looked familiar. “...hello?” he asked, hesitantly.

 

            “Eric,” Over the telephone line came a soft voice, and even with the long distance line crackling a little bit, Eric found himself smiling. “It's Sookie...”

 

            “I know,” he murmured, and moved to sit on the stairs in the front foyer; the front door at least was windowless and no sun came through here. “Where are you?”

 

            She seemed to give a soft laugh and it warmed him to hear. “I’m at home, silly. I wanted to make sure you got into Sweden okay. Bill said he couldn't tell me whether or not you had been escorted to your house okay, and I wanted to be sure...” Be sure nothing had happened to you along the way...

 

            “I am fine,” Eric assured her, resting his elbows on his knees now and he closed his eyes, picturing her sitting in the living room, her knees tucked beneath her and maybe she is wearing that yellow and white sundress again, with the ties in the back, her hair in loose waves and held back with a matching headband. He liked it when she wore her hair wavy, it seemed so natural. “What are you wearing?” he found himself asking, and her laugh made him feel as if he should blush, had he been able to.

 

            “Eric Northman,” Sookie scolded softly, though there was a playful tone to her voice and she tucked her legs beneath herself, smoothing her dress over her legs. She had chosen to sit outside on the front veranda for the phone call and it occurred to her that anyone could possibly be nearby and overhear if she were to indulge in his question.

 

            “Is it that yellow sundress?” Eric asked, and Sookie felt her breath catch - it was the very same sundress she'd had the urge to wear that morning, despite it having no practical use when all she was really doing was housework and later, buying groceries.

 

            “How did you know?” Sookie asked softly, smiling now.

 

            “It's my favorite,” Eric told her, his voice also soft and he, too, was still smiling. “It makes your hair glow, and against your skin...”

 

            “Are you drunk again?” Sookie teased gently.

 

            “No, of course not . . . you just . . .” and Eric trailed off, chewing the inside of his lower lip before continuing. “I just like it on you. Yellow is a good color for you.”

 

            “Well thank you,” Sookie told him, and for a few moments the two of them were quiet, and she liked that the most; how they could simply just be together and it was not awkward. With Bill, these moments were usually interrupted by one of them asking the other tentative questions -he wondering if he hurt her, and she wondering if she had done something wrong, or was she even any good?- and she did not quite have the chance to simply enjoy the silence between them. Bill had been her first and there had been a lot of insecurities in their relationship, from the both of them.

 

            With Eric, Sookie always knew where she stood with him - both now and then. She never was second-guessing him; with Eric Northman you knew what you got and he never broke her trust or lied to her. He had been there when others had not and above all, he had never given up on her, not even the year she was gone. It was one of the things that kept her coming back to him, had her wanting him to stay with her for as long as they could be together. Forever did not exist, but she did not rule out the idea of them being together for a long, long time. “What are you thinking about?” Sookie asked him, breaking the silence finally and she watched a butterfly flutter along the railing of the veranda before it flew up and disappeared into the sunlit sky.

 

            “Just listening to you,” Eric told her simply, and she found herself smiling all over again.

 

            “Listening to me? But I haven't said anything...”

 

            “I can hear your breathing and I am imagining your heartbeat, steady, relaxed...”

 

            “Oh,” she says softly. “Can you hear my heartbeat, all this way?” she asked, though it sounded stupid - he might have been a vampire but his hearing couldn't extend across two countries.

 

            “No,” Eric told her, and he sounded a bit sad at that. “but I can imagine it and I think of our last night together.” Eric says no more; he does not have to - Sookie can remember that night as well as he can, and they're silent again for a few moments.

 

            “Will you come here?” Eric asks after a long silence, and now he sounds childishly hopeful and it almost breaks Sookie's heart. Despite having had a few weeks together, it still surprises her that this Eric is just so innocent and gentle and sometimes she wonders if this is how he was as a viking warrior, as a human. Could he have been this way had Godric not had such influence over him in Eric's early years as a vampire?

 

            “You mean, to Sweden?” Sookie wants to say yes so badly, but there is no telling when this war will end and whether she would even want to run off to Sweden with Eric. A visit would turn into an extended stay and soon she would either give in and live there with him or convince him to come home to Louisiana and he would be at risk of having his memories brought back.

 

           “Maybe,” Sookie allowed, and the trees around her property rustled just a bit even though there wasn’t a breeze to be felt and she sat up more straight on the patio chair. “I have to go now, but I'll think about it; take care of yourself,” she told him, trying not to feel any disappointment – whether or not their blood bond worked with this much distance between them, she did not want Eric to feel her distress at the situation.

 

           “I will keep myself safe,” Eric promised her. “And you, as well.”

 

 _I_ _’_ _ll keep as safe as I can out here;_ Sookie thought as she ended the call and stood up. The strange breeze had stopped and she tried not to make it look as if she were nervous turning her back on the woods as she crossed the porch and stepped into her home. She shut the door tightly behind herself, locked it – double checked the lock of course – and went around locking and double-checking all of the doors and windows. Even though anything that may come for her could bypass locks entirely, it still helped her human sense of fear briefly.


End file.
